• Robyn Isman, LICSW

(Non judgy) Self Care!

THE HARDEST SELFCARE LESSON OF ALL: We don’t have to make our self care decisions based on someone else’s potential reactions. I spent a lot of time saying yes to things because I didn’t want to make people upset. I couldn’t tolerate the other people’s reactions and felt like my own discomfort was more tolerable than causing someone else discomfort (I know right 🙄) I often disguised this as being a caring friend/sister/daughter/spouse, but now I more see it as not caring enough about my own needs. And what happened is that people didn’t get the most authentic me because I was doing things more out of avoiding guilt and less because I truly wanted to. These days people in my life are getting such a better and more honest version of myself. *Taking care of myself has led to higher quality relationships.* Sometimes taking care of ourselves leaves others feeling negatively. When we set boundaries with another person they might be angry. When we cancel plans on someone they might be disappointed. When we withhold information from someone they might be annoyed. The list goes on and on. The secret is that we are allowed to act out our self care needs and others are allowed to have their feelings. We don’t have to take in and internalize their reactions. We don’t have to make decisions based on those reactions. This is where the desire to justify sneaks in. Is there anything you are doing (or not doing) because of the fear of how someone might respond?

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